Scary Diapers

Leading up to Carter being born one of the things I was most worried about was having to change nasty little diapers.  I've tried to avoid dirty diapers my whole life.  So a few hours after he was born he got his first checkup from a pediatrician when I was informed that he had taken care of business for his first time and it was daddy's responsibility to clean it up.  I think it took me about 20 wipes to clean the whole mess, but I got the job done.  I've learned that changing diapers isn't that bad at all, but the actual act of him going potty is what I should be worried about.  

In the hospital I was doing the majority of diaper duty, and it was fine.  Actually it was sort of funny that in the few changes Pam did she managed to be peed on, twice.  Ha!  I knew I'd get mine at some point, but until then it was just funny.  Carter likes to veg out in my lap, with his back running between my legs and his butt firmly pushing into to stomach.  He also likes to work himself up and push out the most explosive poop I've ever encountered.  Put the two things together and I have a happy baby sitting in my lap, he takes a deep breath, and BOOM, explosion right into my stomach (he was wearing a diaper) that scared me so much I nearly jumped off the couch.  I think it was that same night that I was feeding and changing him at around 3 a.m. that I got peed on.  It wasn't just being peed on, I got it straight in the face.  Nothing like being half asleep, hoping to just take care of him and get back to bed, and then getting piss all in your face...and on the comforter...and on my pillow...and all over everything he was wearing.  Nice!  

But none of this even compares to the fountain of poop we, especially Pam, experienced earlier today.  We took Carter downtown to Pam's work to show him off to her co-workers.  For about 3 hours, from when he last relieved himself and ate until we got back home, he was cool and calm.  Then we heard the pooping.  We've learned to give him about 15 minutes to finish off the task or we'll just end up having to change him a few times in a matter of minutes.  So we wait and then Pam moves in for the change.  As soon as the diaper comes off I hear a scream from Pam...run into the room to find he had just pooped all over the changing table, and partially on Pam.  We have a good laugh, shrug it off, and Pam continues the job.  I got back to the kitchen and another scream from Pam...run back in the room and she was holding her hands in a blocker pattern to shield herself from the pee stream he was aiming at her.  Another good laugh and I got back to what I was doing.  As soon as I get back to the kitchen, another scream...I run back in the room just in time to witness a fountain of poop streaming across the room.  Poop is everywhere!  On Pam's hands, because she threw up a blocker to try to minimize the damage, on her pants, on the changing pad, on the table, on the floor.  I have to say this was VERY funny to me, and even to Pam, but at the same time the most disgusting thing we've seen in out lives...I'm seriously, before having a baby I doubt many people can say they've been pooped on...projectile pooped that is.  But now we're both scared of changing him because you never really know what to expect.  

So, as long as it's in the diaper and he's finished his business, I don't mind at all, but if there's any chance there's more to come I feel like I need a rain suit and protective face shield before I go in to take care of business.  I think we'll be flipping a coin for the next few days to see who has to be brave and enter the danger zone.  I guess it isn't actually scary diapers, it's scary bathroom behavior.  But it's all worth it for this precious little face.